i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
