Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
