No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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