just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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