2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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