You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
