I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
