I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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