grandma shit on top of the toilet
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Randomize
