don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize