bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
