Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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