I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I want a musical about memes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
