I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
