Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
