don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I puked a lego.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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