it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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