Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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