I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
