Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize