I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize