True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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