my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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