I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
