Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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