I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
