Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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