I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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