There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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