i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
