you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
