I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
