I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
