just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
