I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
