Soap is not a condiment
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
