whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
