Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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