i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
