I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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