I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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