thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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