I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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