dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize