I want to have your abortion
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
