Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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