i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
