ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
