Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he fucked my hip out of place.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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