Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
