How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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