DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
