Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
