so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
