What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize