a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
