i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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