Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
