i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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