I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
