the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
