I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
