My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
