Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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