There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
