Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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