Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
