love makes seman taste better
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
