youre lurking in front of me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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