Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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