Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
