SEEEEXXX PLEASE
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
