My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
