I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
