Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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