hell yes lets make some ravioli
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
