I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
