hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
