If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
